“Not every older adult is delightful, and being the child of a difficult parent can be lonely, heartbreaking, exhausting and demoralizing,” Paul Chafetz, a Dallas psychologist says. As a child, it is your responsibility to care for your parents when they start to grow old. Take note that they have spent most of their years in raising you and in providing all your wants and needs. Now that they are no longer in their younger years, you already must care for them. To help you make better arrangements about this matter, the best thing to do is to ask yourself these questions:
“What Do Your Parents Want To Happen?”
According to Tim Watt, “There are many roles adults may take on with their aging parents – nurse, caregiver, cook, housekeeper and personal finance planner, among others.” Do not be afraid to ask or inquire about the plans of your parents after retirement. You need to be aware of the things they want to do for the next few years. Avoid making decisions or choices without consulting them. There is a possibility that both of you have different outlooks on life. For this reason, it is highly recommended to drop this question as early as possible.
“Does Your Parents Want To Live With You?”
Another question that you have to ask at the early stage is concerning the place where your elderly parents want to live. It is crucial to pop this question so that you would be able to determine right away if they are going to live with you or not. Always keep in mind that if they choose the first option, you may need to make some necessary adjustments most especially if there are already many family members living under your roof.
“Is Nursing Home Another Option?”
You also need to determine if your parents are interested in staying at a nursing home. Most of the time, seniors would not want to stay in such an institution. They would rather live with their kids or alone on the retirement house. However, there are also some instances wherein you have nothing else let but for them to be in a nursing home. This usually happens if they do not have their own home and if you already live in another country.
“How Much Money Do I Have?”
Financial matters are some of the concerns that must be taken into consideration. Keep in mind that when it comes to senior care, money is an essential factor. Buying for the vital needs of the elderly may cost more. At the same time, you also need to anticipate the possibility of paying for a nanny or caregiver. Because of this, adult children are encouraged to start saving. As much as possible, try to set aside some little cash for parental care in the future.
“Prioritize reassurance, validation, and emotional connection over rational explanations,” suggests Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH. Be sure to keep all these questions in mind as you choose the best option available on your side. Always remember that the most valuable consideration of all is the happiness of your parents. Make them feel special all the time by asking about their wants and needs first. Do not be as selfish as you go through the process of arranging for their living arrangements after retirement. Start the conversation as early as possible. Lastly, do everything you can to talk to them nicely.