Psychology 101: What Elderly Parents Want From Their Kids

I just witnessed a verbal match erupt between my 50-year-old father and his mother who is 70 years old. My dad found out that grandma goes out every day at four o’clock in the morning to go to an alternative medicine center that’s 30 minutes away from her house. It should be okay because she has friends there, but she also has been commuting on her own, keeping it a secret from all her children, which is what worries everyone.

My grandmother, on the other hand, accepted that it was indeed a crazy behavior on her part. What she could not take, though, was how she got “reprimanded like a kid” by her son. So they stopped talking to each other for a week or so until my dad finally went to her home to apologize and patch things up between them.

Source: flickr.com

The Truth

Although all is well now in my family – and grandma only leaves her house when the sun is up – it is a typical representation of what happens when a child and parent switch roles later in life. The minder is suddenly the former, and the latter is supposed to listen because the adult son or daughter should know better. “Underscoring this task and coloring most of these factors is the emotional reality that caring for an aging parent is a psychological journey,” shares Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP.

What the kids often forget, unfortunately, is that elderlies become more sensitive by the day. You need to practice caution, primarily when you want to correct their ways without saddening or making them angry. Otherwise, both of you might drop words you can’t take back and ruin your relationship.

In case you don’t understand the psychology of senior citizens, allows us to tell you the things that elderly parents want from their kids. According to Rick Nauert PhD, “Emerging studies have shown that both adult children and their aging parents identify stubbornness in the parents as a significant issue.”

Source: defense.gov
  1. Respect

No matter how your salary goes to your old mom or dad’s needs, you do not have the entitlement to talk back to them at any age. You may be a boss at your office, your word may be the law in your home, but you will always be the child whom they raised and helped to get where you are now. So, please stay respectful to your parents.  Steven Zarit, Ph.D.,distinguished professor of human development and family studies at Pennsylvania State University, explains that “elders struggle for independence as they try to maintain the life they had and the people they were.”

  1. Time

The elders have given you the means to reach your dreams, and they are the first individuals to cheer you on as you conquer the world. But regardless of the places you need to go to or the people you have to meet, it is only proper to spend a few hours with your mother and father once a week. While they may not burden you with calls and texts, they undoubtedly want to see their kid from time to time.

  1. Space

Considering you are often in their case, however, you need to take one step back a little. As much as parents appreciate your concern to them, it can boost their confidence and physical strength to know that they can do some things without anyone’s help. It may be better, therefore, to solely lend a hand in situations wherein the seniors may undeniably require assistance, namely fixing a leak on the ceiling, driving for hundreds of miles, et cetera.

  1. Love

Of course, your parents want to receive love from their dearest sons and daughters too. Despite how busy your days may be, it will not hurt to show small signs of affection to them. Say, take the elders out to their favorite restaurant or find the tools they can use for their hobbies.

Source: pxhere.com

More than the money you can provide for their financial needs, your senior parents want to gain your respect, time, love, and trust that their old age does not entail that they cannot do anything useful in life. If life is difficult for you now that you are in the workforce, it can also be a challenge for elderlies who cannot get a job and have to rely on you and the government to continue living. Thus, let’s treat our aging parents more kindly than ever.

Author: Marie Miguel

Professional Experience Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade; covering a variety of health-related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com/advice. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to target subjects related to anxiety and depression specifically. As an editor, contributor, and writer for over 100 online publications Marie has covered topics related to depression, anxiety, stress, grief, various phobias, and difficult family circumstances. With regular content published on mental health authorities like TheMighty, Yahoo, GoodMenProject, ADAA, CCPA-ACCP, Silverts, AMHCA, etc... Marie has shown both her passion and dedication to discussing & educating topics related to mental health and wellness. With an understanding that there is never too much information and helpful research about mental health in all of its forms, she continues to look for new and creative ways to both start discussions & engage with others about these important topics. Before becoming an online researcher and writer, she worked as an Administrative Executive with different industries namely telecom, security workforce providers, trading companies, exclusive hotel and concierge services. After ten years of working in different industries, she decided to enter the world of freelancing in able to give more time to her precious daughter. Given this opportunity, it helped her discover and realize that she is both capable and passionate about expressing her opinions in creative and influential ways via writing. Education Marie Miguel is a loyalty awardee of St. Paul College where she spent her primary and secondary education. She holds a degree of Bachelor of Science in Business Administration major in Computer Applications from De La Salle University - College of St. Benilde where she was also on the Dean's List for consecutive semesters during her college years. "My Philosophy on Mental Health & Wellness" It takes passion for being an expert researcher and writer of mental health related topics. Having lived through traumatic experiences in the past, it has become easier to express my opinions and findings I've discovered while researching a variety of situations and subjects. I aim to inspire every person that reads mental health & wellness related articles to provide hope in every struggle; just as my experiences have taught me. Additionally, I strive to contribute to the continual progression of mental health awareness by providing helpful information and significant resources to understand further the importance of keeping a healthy mind and well-being.